Personal Reflections on Talking with Young Children About Money

This cute moment got me thinking about the conversations we have had with our kids about money and how much Nathan Dungan, who presented at the 2014 and 2015 Wealth Architects University, influenced me on how to have those discussions. Below are reflections on concepts that I feel have helped in those conversations.

Know Your Money Story

Before talking with kids about money, it helps to reflect on one’s own money story. For me, I had a privileged upbringing in Athens, GA. My dad was a respected doctor in a relatively small community, and my mom paused her 9-year career as a nurse after my younger brother was born. But, there were two sides to my story. Externally, I was sometimes made to feel spoiled by others (maybe I was!). Internally, I knew my parents worked hard—paying their way through college and medical school, putting in long hours at work or childcare, and taking on projects like replacing flooring or repairing cars. They provided stability but also expected responsibility. For example, once we reached driving age, we had to earn the Eagle Scout Rank before we were permanently handed the keys. I learned and understood that while I had it better than most, it was the result of my parents’ self-drive, hard work and wanting to provide a secure, stable environment for me and my brother. I knew the same was expected of me. They’d be there as a safety net, but I was expected to be responsible and become financially independent.

Discover Your Children’s Money Story

Every child is unique, even in the same environment. Lydia, our oldest, is a natural saver and sharer. She once gave a dollar to a friend just because she wanted to. She rarely spends, content with what she has, but we encourage her to recognize when something might truly enrich her life. Colson, on the other hand, is a spender. Only M&Ms disappear faster! We talk about the value of money and the impulse behind his purchases. He’s also deeply into style, carefully choosing outfits that bring him confidence. So, while he and Mom plan shopping trips together, balancing wants and needs, Lydia and I happily stay home and wear the same sweatshirt we wore yesterday.

Don’t Make It Taboo

Money talk shouldn’t be off-limits. Kids will discuss it with peers, so it’s best to guide those conversations. We keep it age-appropriate, encourage questions and emphasize thoughtful discussions over lectures. It was intentional to title this blog “Talking with – not to – Young Children About Money.”

Share Save Spend

My children were very young when Nathan Dungan was our professor for the day at Wealth Architects University. But immediately, I began quizzing my children, “What are the three things you can do with money?” Soon they’d quickly recite, “Share! Save! Spend!” 

This framework simplifies the complex and demystifies what you do with money. It led to conversations about what is sharing, saving and spending, and why each is important to us and our family. Also, understanding Lydia and Colson’s Share-Save-Spend instincts helped us identify activities to instill important values. Lydia’s a natural giver and sharer. She instinctively volunteers in the classroom, helps classmates, offers to share and loves contributing. With Colson, we are more intentional about strengthening his sharing habit. Through Cub Scouts, he participates in coordinated volunteering and community activities; he even asked strangers at the farmer’s market to support their pack by buying popcorn. He’s now seeing and feeling the external and internal benefits of volunteering.

Make It Tangible & Visible

Money is abstract today. We make it real with piggy banks, letting the kids handle cash transactions, and showing them our financial accounts (in a simplified way). We share with them that we have checking, investment, college savings, retirement and charitable (i.e. donor advised fund) accounts. We explain their purpose and how we use each. Of course, they now ask how the college savings account is doing.

The Speed of Money

My Dad instilled in me that it’s important to always have cash in my wallet. For him, it was about being prepared. There’s a deeper wisdom there. With credit cards and mobile pay, money moves faster and faster. We spend cash the slowest. In college, I recall withdrawing $75 from the ATM and seeing how long I could make it last. To encourage discipline, add friction to your child’s spending. Making it less convenient may give them time to pause, think, and decide whether they really need that Strawberry Crème Frappuccino.

Work and Earnings

Understanding careers was easy when my parents worked in hospitals; mine is less tangible. We explain what we do, why we enjoy it, and how it supports our family. During the pandemic, our kids got a glimpse into our work via Zoom calls. We do our best to share our challenges, hopes and successes at work. When I was awarded a bonus, my daughter asked if it was more than $100. I paused and decided to share the actual figure. She almost burst into laughter! But, I did my best to provide context on why I earned it, what it meant to our family and how their mom and I plan to use it for our future. I also shared that it’s private and not appropriate to discuss outside the family.

Taxes

Instead of groaning about taxes, we explain their role—funding roads, schools, and services. Taxes impact everyone, and we try to highlight their benefits rather than complain.

Chores and Allowance

There is no “right” answer here. For us, our kids don’t get a regular allowance, nor do we pay for daily chores. Instead, they contribute because they’re part of the household doing chores like laundry, cleaning and yard work. We sometimes pay for extra tasks or projects, but overall, we prioritize responsibility over financial incentives. I encourage each family to consider what works best for them, what type of values they want to instill and which behaviors to incentivize.

Experiences vs. Stuff

We emphasize experiences over material things, a lesson from my upbringing. This means prioritizing travel over a new car or home-cooked meals over dining out. We donate and share unused items, reinforcing that belongings can bring joy to others, not just ourselves.

Experiment and Encourage Agency

There is no secret sauce. So, have fun and experiment. Sometimes Colson gets to keep unspent money, other times he must return the change. Sometimes we ask our kids where they’d like to donate $100 and begin a family discussion; other times we involve them in small investments that we track together. Lydia has Apple Cash for snacks on the way to the library, and we discuss her purchases.

Parents of young children often fall into a rigid yes-or-no approach to money, either denying purchases outright or giving in out of frustration. While boundaries are important, offering choice and agency helps children develop better decision-making skills. One client gives her granddaughter a set budget for her birthday, allowing her to plan how to spend the day, a ‘yes’ day with financial limits. Similarly, my own experiences as a teenager, from managing travel expenses for golf tournaments to handling college tuition payments, taught me responsibility and financial awareness. Providing kids with controlled financial choices today prepares them for smarter decisions in the future.

They Understand More Than You Think

Daily, we are bombarded with information, images, sounds and advertisements. We are surrounded by logos, big-box stores, and spending incentives like ‘Buy More, Save More!’ Professional athletes and celebrity earnings are widely shared. Given that, I believe it’s increasingly important to talk to children about money at an earlier age. Instill your values and perspectives. Provide context. That should help your children understand and tune out the noise of the outside world. Nathan Dungan’s Share Save Spend framework is simple but powerful. By discussing money openly, aligning lessons with personal values, and making concepts tangible, we help kids develop a healthier relationship with money.

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